The years before I gave my life over to the Lord were not easy ones, but I can’t so they were hard ones either. I knew who God was, I knew about His Son Jesus, but I didn’t have an intimate relationship like I do now. I have  fond memories of going to church growing up, attending Sunday school and Vacation Bible School. and spending Sunday afternoons reading bible stories from my moms big family bible. I loved that bible. It sat on the nightstand on my mother’s side of the bed. It was a big book filled beautiful paintings depicting the many stories from the bible ; and before  I could read my mother or father were easily coerced into sharing the stories that went along with those images. Once I learned to read I searched that big bible for the stories that partnered those classic murals and read them over and over again ; until I could recite the stories by heart. When I was eight my father’s step mother Minnie, gave my twin sister and I little white bibles with the just the new testament and Psalms. This book was miniscule in comparison to my mother’s big family bible and it held little interest to me at first. It had no pictures or cool charts in it and the print seemed so small. Yet despite being tiny it became useful to me. It was with me always until I turned fifteen. Minnie gifted us with a bigger white bible for our fifteenth birthday, one with the old and new testament and a few pictures that helped me recall some of my favorite stories from the big family bible.

That bible became my go to book. I was an avid reader back then, and when I couldn’t get to the library I read my favorite stories, but never took the time to take them to heart or apply them to my life. At fifteen I was exploring life from a new view. Like a typical teenager, I let my emotions rule my heart and any relationship I had started to build with the Lord was more personal than intimate. I looked at Jesus as my friend, not my savior and whenever I found myself spinning out of control I opened up that little white book and read for hours. I always felt good afterward, but that was all, I never took time to absorb the meaning of what I read, I just felt some comfort for a while. Looking back I understand now what a mighty God we serve. He could have at anytime given me what I deserved, but He showed me mercy,grace and love in spite of my evil ways. Who was I, that the creator of the universe would spare my life in my wickedness? I was on a downward spiral out of control and definitely in need of a savior, barely holding on and He had my back the whole time. At fifteen I was well on my way to becoming an alcoholic, I was abusing over the counter amphetamines and sexually acting out whenever the occasion arose. I survived it not because I was lucky, but because God had a plan for my life, that only He knew, that He was not ready to reveal to me just yet. My Journey to the cross was yet to begin and I had no idea where life would take me! “For I know the plans that I have for you, says the Lord, plans for peace and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11 MEV (Coming up: Life Before Thirty Part Two : God Plants a Garden For Me)